The Society of the Clitoris

Women assault men with their bodily pheromones to sell their sex for safety and comfort. This is why it can be argued that all women are whores. This is a purely natural circumstance of evolution which has left the child-bearer weaker than the child-provider. In the 60s and 70s a group of lesbian women across the world decided to push for female dominance - although ironically this urge came from the excess of male testosterone created in their genetic lesbian bodies and minds.

As far as I can tell this goes directly against nature. I don't see that as a good sign and aren't sure where society will go with the increase in female dominance. At the very least it's not a great thing for males and we can already see many negative effects for us. I call this the Society of the Clitoris.

The problem - as ever with solutions to the various 'isms' - is that equal rights becomes mixed up with people being equal. We're not, men are generally bigger, stronger, faster and think more clinically and logically. Women are smaller, weaker, slower and think on a more emotional basis. It should be patently clear that the different sexes fit into different roles in society.

As we try to fit ourselves into the wrong shaped holes, is it any wonder than society suffers? A Swedish survey on gender equality from 2007 noted, "[n]egative effects" to health in both sexes are suggested due to increased stress of the opportunities of the workplace, observed that "one-sided expansion by women into traditionally male roles, spheres and activities will not lead to positive health effects unless men also significantly alter their behaviour".

So, to work, men should go against their nature too, to cater for the aberration of women? This seems wrong to me. Perhaps we should just say that equal rights are a great idea but admit that the sexes are different? Take it down a notch and maybe everyone would be a bit happier.

It might even help women too. I can see a future filled with 40-something women with no kids, no husband, no ability to cook or clean a house. The looks have faded and the pheromones now just smell like bad fish. What have they to offer anyone? Not much is it. All they seem to have ahead of them is 40-50 years of boredom and intense loneliness to look forward to. Thanks Germaine, Andrea and the rest.

Tiger Wood's complete prostitution of the games format

Tiger Wood's PGA Tour 11 has many faults. The hierarchical menu system is completely nonsensical, the graphics are too clinical and glitchy, the online skill level system is totally broken and the commentators are as annoying as hell. But it does play a good game of golf that rewards experience well. It represents a big change from my previous golf game, Everyday Golf, which was a lot prettier, easier, less buggy but probably less rewarding.

But let's forget about all that, because I want to talk about how this game completely prostitutes itself to try to screw every penny from its players. These are the top 4 marketing ploys TWPGA11 presents to the consumer:

1. The On-line voucher, as I wrote about here, monetises the second-hand market for EA.

2. Extra courses are available as DLC for the gob-smacking price of £6.29 for a single course. This seems particularly steep to me - far more than I'd expect to pay for a single map for an FPS for example.

3. You can gain some easy XP (the game's currency) by sending a message to each of your friends advertising the benefits of the game. I presume. I've never seen it. All my friends have.

4. Instead of earning XP to buy new items in the pro shop (from shoes to clubs - and they give you various skill bonuses) you can stump up some cold hard cash and buy them on the PSN. They cost from under a pound to several quid, and there's usually a new better item every level or two.
A quick hint here: learn to grind the skills challenges for fast xp.

This seems quite enough to me. I don't buy many EA games, so don't know if this is (ahem) par for the course - but I'll guarantee it will be, and not just for EA. This ghastly nonsense is going to spread and spread until we can't frag someone on Doom 2012 without being asked if we want to buy a bigger gun. There's nothing much to be done of course, gamers being a slothful lot, all but impossible to rouse.

Cloned meat, Bullshit and Science

So, an embryo from a cloned cow was bought from America and two offspring have got into the food chain. Well, I'm underwhelmed. But this story is consistently being pushed by the BBC, on one level it's merely a classic 'silly season' story, on another it's a danger to our particularly vulnerable beef farmers. Whilst I'm not a particular fan of our little kings of agriculture, beef farming is only just recovering from the BSE crisis and could be hit badly by this irresponsible journalism.

Yet the public have a responsibility too, one we're failing at terribly, in that we should be intelligent enough not to respond like idiots to stories of this nature. The problem is science - the word itself seems to send normal people into dithering, witless dimwits. This disgraceful lack of knowledge seems to make people very defensive indeed, even aggressively displaying their ignorance as some supposed mark of cleverness. If this is you, please stop, you look like a fucking moron.

Julian Huppert, Lib Dem MP for Cambridge, is one of only two MPs (out of 650ish) to hold a science doctorate, and the only MP to have worked in the scientific field. He's described the problem of scientific illiteracy in parliament as being so bad that all MPs should have a mandatory course in the subject. I'd go farther, perhaps the entire nation needs an enforced lesson in science just to stop them acting like complete arseholes.

Sarah's Law - the plight of the poor paedo

There's no denying it's a hard life being a sexual offender. It's one thing after another - if you aren't out signing the register, you're taking your weekly visit to the local police station or explaining to your parole officer why a copy of "Young Arse" was found under your bed in the half-way house. Things are about to get a bit harder as the nation's police forces decide to implement Sarah's Law across the UK.

Sarah's Law is similar to the American Megan's Law in that it allows parents to find out if anyone who has access to their child is a sex offender. It's named after Sarah Payne who was killed, aged 8, in 2000 by paedophile Roy Whiting. Whilst that was a tragic act, there's no denying that this is a case of law made by the media - mainly in the form of a rabid News of the World, laughingly playing the high moral card against the only people accounted lower than them, the paedo.

We're assured that this will not lead to vigilantism. Well, we'll see. Personally, I'm not so sure the great British public will be able to hold back as word spreads of their local paedo. Especially if he or she has 'access' to children. At the very least he's going to feel just a bit more targeted and vulnerable.

I have some time for the sexual offender. I don't agree with the common mood that they should be tortured to death by a baying mob; I have this odd idea that that isn't healthy for society. This is not to say I think such people should go free, they are after all causing untold harm to their victims.

We need to understand that sexual offenders are ill. For whatever reason (often their own past as a victim) they fancy things that normal people don't. Imagine that for a second. Instead of being attracted to and needing sex with an adult of appropriate gender you have the same feelings for your pet dog, a fireplace or a child.

I believe these people should be helped by all the therapists, with all the drugs and doctors that they require. But if it's judged they are a danger to children (or dogs, or fireplaces) they should be put in comfortable but secure accommodation and treated until cured. This would be healthy for society on many levels.

So, pity the poor paedo - his lot is a heavy one. He's locked into a world he didn't ask for, with feelings which are as natural to him as breathing, and every hand is turned against him. His own acts appal him and the necessities of his life strike him ashen with grief. Poor cunt.