The Downing Street Sauna I

"Hey Dave, this is great, who thought this place existed, huh?"

"Yuh Nicky, apparently Denis had it put in to entertain some of his Arab oil chums, yah. Been here ever since, down in the depths. Here, be a good egg and throw another pail on the coals."

Clouds of steam rose from the red hot cherries of heat, filling the room even more until all was a white fog, the two men just light grey silhouettes in the thick hot mist. Dave stretched, his naked body immodestly clad in a small white towel, and his hand brushed Nick's shoulder. Nick jumped!

"Hey, hey hey buddy. Hey, hey hey hey. Hey. Hey now what's wrong, you're like a coiled spring Nicky-babe."

"It's just that I'm a bit concerned about the coalition, Dave. We've had a good start, no denying it, great first 100 days. Some of our policies are really really great. Good decisions on the banks and the quangos, I can even let slip the stuff about taking people's council houses away - that's not true is it? - but it won't be long before the Spending Review is in and people realise just what's going to happen. Is the country ready, are our MPs, can the coalition survive that?"

"Hey Nicky", said Dave, standing up behind his friend and partner, "What you need is a neck rub. They were all the rage at Eton, how was it at Westminster?"

"No sauna", Nick replied nervously, adding, "but what about the coalition?"

"Oh coalition schmoalition.", said Dave, as his hands expertly kneaded at Nick's clenched shoulders, "Let's just enjoy the moment. Victory, 100 days of being in charge. It's all great. Hey there, you're knotted up like billy-oh across the shoulders my chum. So tense. Here, let the fingers go in deep."

Nick shuddered and moaned slightly, but it wasn't through concerns about the future now, Dave's fingers had worked their magic and set his tension free. He felt like a boy of twelve again - but as Dave had mentioned, there wasn't one to hand - it was like being back at Westminster School all those years ago. He felt a sense of freedom and daring he'd not felt since that time. He stood, turned, reached for Dave's face. Their lips touched.

<>

Later the sauna was dark, Dave sat against the back wall with Nick laying across him. The towels had gone, any pretence at modesty seemed inappropriate. Both men relaxed in the warm glow of friendly company and shared experience.

Dave reached down and removed something from Nick's chin with a wipe of his thumb, "Missed a bit! Hey Nicky-Babe, that was pretty special you know."

Nick smiled, "I enjoyed it, it was great, like back at school in the showers with the PE master. Hey Dave, do you think such two men, a deputy and his leader.."

"Dual leaders.", interjected Dave.

"..yes. Yes. Dual leaders. Have such dual leaders ever had such an intimate knowledge and experience of one another? Surely this can lead only to good, or who knows, even greatness for us."

Dave just smiled. He leaned back harder into the wall and stroked Nick's hair.

Nick breathed deeply and nuzzled into Dave's lap a little more. His eyes flicked to the wall behind them. Through the remains of the steam his eyes started to focus in on a small patch of graffiti. As they resolved into words Nick could read clearly, "Gordon 4 Tony 4ever". Suddenly the room didn't seem so warm any-more.

William Hague - a lifter of gentlemen's shirts?

Great picture isn't it. Could they have found two men looking more gay? Outside of Queero's Nightclub of Poofland Street, Homoville I think not. They look like they're filming a version of Brokeback Mountain set in one of London's Georgian Squares. Looking at the picture, with Hague's self-assured straight ahead smile and his chum's more hesitant grin looking across to William it's difficult not to tentatively assign them the roles of stone and sponge, from left to right.

On one level I don't give a fuck if Hague gives, or takes, it with other men. I have a perfectly ambivalent attitude to gays; live your life as you want as long as my bottom is not touched. Campness on the other hand I find wildly funny, as well as how other people react towards homosexuality in general - there's a lot of humour in the world of gay. So who cares where William puts his nob?

Well, the only problem I see (I'm ignoring the infidelity issue, that's really between the man and his wife) is his voting record on Homosexuality Equal rights as you'll see if you go to that link he has a less than enviable record in this regard. When he didn't vote against the various measures he was absent and only in one minor vote did he vote for the majority (pro-gay) opinion. If it turns out he is a sausage jockey then accusations of hypocrisy will be difficult to ignore.

If, on the other hand, they are untrue. The media should be thoroughly ashamed, including me probably.